Episode 8: The Spectrum of Introversion and Extroversion
In this episode, Angela Anderson Knittel explores introversion and extroversion through personal reflection and everyday experience. She shares what it’s been like returning to her childhood home and how living with family has highlighted the ways environment and energy affect motivation, connection, and well-being.
Angela reflects on her struggle to stay energized when working out alone at home compared to the boost she feels in a public gym, using this contrast to unpack how extroverts and introverts recharge differently. She challenges common myths around personality types and encourages listeners to view them as flexible tendencies rather than fixed identities.
Throughout the conversation, Angela invites listeners to examine where their energy comes from, how their surroundings support or drain them, and what boundaries may be needed to live more aligned with their natural rhythms. The episode offers thoughtful insight into self-awareness, energy management, and honoring the way you’re wired.
Takeaways:
- In understanding the concepts of introversion and extroversion, we can revolutionize our self-management and interpersonal relationships.
- The realization that I am a textbook extrovert allowed me to set appropriate boundaries and expectations for my personal energy management.
- Recognizing the spectrum of introversion and extroversion is crucial for navigating social situations effectively without feeling drained or overwhelmed.
- Engaging in energy journaling can help individuals identify what activities and environments replenish or deplete their energy levels over time.
About the Host
Angela Anderson Knittle is a corporate trainer, theater director, mother, and natural guide who finds wisdom in everyday moments. She brings heartfelt clarity into conversations about connection, compassion, and personal growth. Angela’s Living Room is where her lived experiences become gentle, honest insight for anyone wanting deeper relationships.
Podcast website: https://angelas-living-room.captivate.fm
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Transcript
Come on in.
Speaker A:Welcome.
Speaker A:Oh, I'm glad you're here.
Speaker A:Please come in and have a seat.
Speaker A:Let's see where the conversation takes us.
Speaker A:So in my late 20s, I'd been living out in Arizona and I decided to move back home.
Speaker A:By move back home, I mean move back in with my mother.
Speaker A:Like I said, I was in Tucson, Arizona at the time, and mom had been working me pretty hard to convince me to move back to Arizona.
Speaker A:She, she missed having her girls.
Speaker A:My sister was in the Air Force and had been gone for several years, and I had been out in Arizona for several years.
Speaker A:And you know, mom wanted her girls nearby.
Speaker A:And as a mom myself, I get that, completely understand it.
Speaker A:But so we pooled our resources.
Speaker A:I mean, I had a profession at that point that I was working in, when I'm still working in.
Speaker A:So I had a decent resume, marketable skills.
Speaker A:My sister got out of the Air Force and also came back home to figure out those next steps.
Speaker A:So we went in on a house together.
Speaker A:All right, so it was the three of us plus mom.
Speaker A:We got a four bedroom house.
Speaker A:So everybody had a room.
Speaker A:And we were able to appoint it rather nicely because we were pooling resources, you know, everybody was bringing in an adult income.
Speaker A:And we put together a home gym in the garage that would be the envy of any sports fanatic or personal trainer if you could think of it.
Speaker A:We had it.
Speaker A:And what I mean by that, we had the foam floor so you could get down and do your floor exercises.
Speaker A:I had a hundred pound weight hanging from the ceiling, so if you wanted to kickbox and punch, if you had aggressions to work out, you could go out and do that.
Speaker A:We had an elliptical machine, we had a stationary bike, we had a weight bench, and we had a Pilates machine.
Speaker A:There were literally thousands of dollars of equipment in that garage.
Speaker A:And I would go out there by myself and start to work out.
Speaker A:And after about 15 minutes, I was exhausted.
Speaker A:I was spent.
Speaker A:I couldn't make myself do more.
Speaker A:I wanted to.
Speaker A:The mental desire was present, but the physical energy was just lacking.
Speaker A:And what I found funny is that I'd had gym memberships before we bought all this equipment.
Speaker A:We were each paying monthly gym memberships and I would go to the gym and join a class and I could work out through the whole class in front of the class.
Speaker A:Top energy, even just doing the machine circuit.
Speaker A:Just being in the floor with other people kept me motivated, helped me stay moving, almost like it was energizing me.
Speaker A:And shortly after, we had this gym set up and I noticed My own personal inability to commit to working out in that space.
Speaker A:The company I was working for at the time introduced a new leadership training program that focused on understanding personality and temperament.
Speaker A:And the concept of.
Speaker A:Of introversion and extroversion was introduced to me.
Speaker A:And light bulbs, light bulbs, light bells, bells, bulbs.
Speaker A:Things were going off all around me, in my brain, my brain was exploding.
Speaker A:Okay, I understood it.
Speaker A:It clicked.
Speaker A:I got it.
Speaker A:I understood why when I went to the gym that I paid for the membership, for why I could work out for hours.
Speaker A:And yet when I had all of that same equipment feet away from me, I couldn't summon the energy to go do any of it.
Speaker A:And it's because I realized that I am a textbook extrovert.
Speaker A:And my sisters, conversely, or my sister, one in particular, she had no problem going out there and dedicating all of the time she wanted to to her workout.
Speaker A:And she would come in from being out there by herself, full of pep and vigor and energy.
Speaker A:And it clicked.
Speaker A:I finally, I got it.
Speaker A:I understood it.
Speaker A:And that understanding shifted how I managed my life and the expectations and boundaries that I set and maintained for myself.
Speaker A:And it created a deep understanding of my sister that strengthened our relationships in ways I never would have expected.
Speaker A:So I want to help you understand what these two concepts mean and why they matter to us and why understanding, whether you're an introvert or you're an extrovert, or where on the spectrum between the two you lie, why it matters so deeply and how understanding it can revolutionize how you manage your life.
Speaker A:All right, so let's start with some definition.
Speaker A:Let's understand what I mean when I say the word introvert and when I say the word extrovert, because what you're thinking right now is most likely not correct and it's not your fault.
Speaker A:Media does not represent it accurately and the words are used in common vernacular, but they're not used with understanding.
Speaker A:So let's dive into a little bit of understanding.
Speaker A:So we know when we hear the words and we use the words, they mean they have meaning, and that meaning matters.
Speaker A:So let's talk about introverts.
Speaker A:Oftentimes, introverts are perceived as being shy.
Speaker A:They're quiet, they keep to themselves, they're shy, or even worse, because we like to assume the worst about each other.
Speaker A:They're stuck up and they think they're too good for them, for their the group or the environment or the setting.
Speaker A:And really, introverts can be shy, but so can extroverts.
Speaker A:It is possible for an extrovert to be shy.
Speaker A:It's not as common, granted, but it happens because we're human and we're multifaceted.
Speaker A:And this is just one dimension of our personality and temperament.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Introversion is about where you draw your energy from.
Speaker A:Extroverts are energized by interaction.
Speaker A:They're often seen as loud, outgoing, gregarious, social butterflies.
Speaker A:Those are some of the common things.
Speaker A:But not all extroverts are outgoing.
Speaker A:Some extroverts suffer from social anxiety.
Speaker A:And so the very thing that charges their battery also stresses them out.
Speaker A:Which is a fun dichotomy to live in, I would imagine.
Speaker A:Introverts often thrive in calm, low stimulation environments.
Speaker A:They may enjoy intimate family gatherings.
Speaker A:Not necessarily the full family reunion with all of the extendeds, but the nuclear family.
Speaker A:The intimate family, right.
Speaker A:They often enjoy quiet or solitary activities like reading, knitting, crocheting, stamp collecting, hiking, cooking, crafting, all of these.
Speaker A:These things that you can dive deep into it, develop your skill set in it, and be allowed time with your own thoughts.
Speaker A:Introverts often process their thoughts internally.
Speaker A:So they recharge their battery in quiet, alone or intimate gatherings.
Speaker A:And then they internalize their thought process.
Speaker A:Extroverts, it's all about the interaction.
Speaker A:The more the stimulation, the more fuel they get.
Speaker A:Which is why me, a big old extrovert, goes out to the gym equipment in my garage by myself and can last for 15 or 20 minutes at most.
Speaker A:But I go into a crap crowded gym with lots of other people and I suddenly have the energy to work out for hours.
Speaker A:Here's an important thing to understand.
Speaker A:One is not good and the other bad.
Speaker A:One is not better and the other worse.
Speaker A:They simply are.
Speaker A:And it's not even something you chose.
Speaker A:It's just kind of how you're wired.
Speaker A:It's part of your factory settings.
Speaker A:Does that mean that it is static and forever?
Speaker A:We're going to get into that?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:It can change.
Speaker A:And we'll talk about why it changes.
Speaker A:But just know that introversion and extroversion like many different things in the many different aspects of the human condition.
Speaker A:It is on a spectrum.
Speaker A:So there are people who are more extroverted than others, just as there are people who are more introverted than others.
Speaker A:We exist on a spectrum in all facets of our humanity, right?
Speaker A:No one is better than the other.
Speaker A:It's just how you are.
Speaker A:And when you understand and recognize that, you can help set boundaries and expectations for yourself.
Speaker A:The first part is understanding where your energy comes from.
Speaker A:It's important that we don't think of this as like an on, off switch.
Speaker A:It's not a binary.
Speaker A:It's not.
Speaker A:Yes, no.
Speaker A:It is a spectrum.
Speaker A:And it is a spectrum that can shift and adjust.
Speaker A:All right?
Speaker A:But in a general level, introverts recharge through quiet environments, through solo tasks, in deep one on one conversations.
Speaker A:Generally, introverts are less comfortable with small talk and they prefer more deep and meaningful conversations.
Speaker A:But that requires that you spend time with one another, one on one, in order to be able to reach those deeper conversations.
Speaker A:So they encourage or they thrive in those quieter opportunities to connect.
Speaker A:If an introvert has had a long workday full of meetings or where they have had to interact with the public at large, an introvert may crave sitting on the balcony, listening to music with zero conversation, just quiet.
Speaker A:They might want to grab a book and curl up in a nook.
Speaker A:They might want to go in and tackle a solo project because that allows them to recharge in that solitude, in that quietness.
Speaker A:Extroverts recharge through group activities, brainstorming sessions, social outings.
Speaker A:These are the folks who have had a long, stressful day surrounded by people at work, and their first thought when they get off of work is, where's everybody getting together at?
Speaker A:Who wants to go out for drinks?
Speaker A:You want to grab dinner and do X activity because their battery is fully charged at the end of their day.
Speaker A:And they need to expel some of that energy so that they can go home and go to sleep.
Speaker A:So these are the folks who want to go out dancing on Wednesday night, right?
Speaker A:These are the ones who go take the Zumba class, or they go out to the gun range with their buddies, or they go play golf, or they, they find a thing with people and activities so that they can spend this energy so that they can sleep at night, right?
Speaker A:I want to talk to you.
Speaker A:Some of you are sitting there going, but I'm both of those things.
Speaker A:Sometimes I really crave to be around everybody.
Speaker A:But then all of a sudden I feel like I. I just have to be alone.
Speaker A:We've got a label for that too.
Speaker A:It's a newer one, a newer concept.
Speaker A:It wasn't introduced to me when I first learned about all of this stuff 20 years ago.
Speaker A:It's a newer addition to the Spectrum and it sits in the middle, right at the apex of the arch between introvert and extrovert, and it's called an ambivert.
Speaker A:Sometimes social, sometimes solitary, depending on the week, the job stress, or the emotional state.
Speaker A:This is the person who loves the party, absolutely thrives in it.
Speaker A:And then the next day can't be around people.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Oftentimes when this person wants solitude, they don't mean they want to be alone.
Speaker A:They want their favorite person to be with them, but preferably quiet.
Speaker A:Just existing next to each other, knowing that they're there, but not demanding anything from them.
Speaker A:If that feels like you, you're an ambivert.
Speaker A:You sit right there in the middle.
Speaker A:So how do you.
Speaker A:If you can't tell off the top which one you are because it's not something you've ever thought about before.
Speaker A:I challenge you to think about these questions.
Speaker A:You can look for clues in your own behavior, because behavior is a language our behavior speaks to who we really are and what we really value.
Speaker A:We can say what we want to say, but what we do is what we mean.
Speaker A:So what activities drain you fastest?
Speaker A:At one point, I work as a corporate trainer.
Speaker A:A lot of the topics that we discuss are things that I learned and studied and developed in the years of being a corporate trainer and teaching people how to communicate more effectively, more persuasively, how to lead more effectively.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It's very interactive.
Speaker A:I would often be in front of between 10 and 30 new people every 15 to 30 days.
Speaker A:I was constantly surrounded by new people, and the company that I worked for went through one of its many, many, many organizational shifts, and they let people go.
Speaker A:And I had developed some skills outside of the classroom that could be beneficial to other departments in the company.
Speaker A:So when they came to my team to cut headcount rather than have to fire any of her trainers, my boss got super creative and found me a position in HR doing HR report writing, which I had the skill set to do because I trained people how to write and run those reports as part of the curriculum that I trained.
Speaker A:So I was able to technically step in and do that job.
Speaker A:But here's the thing.
Speaker A:I don't know if you've ever worked in hr, but it's very confidential.
Speaker A:The information that is on your screens is often private.
Speaker A:We're talking Social Security numbers, birth dates, pay rates, performance information.
Speaker A:Like, you have people's entire lives, their work lives, on your screens at the press of a button.
Speaker A:So naturally, that role required a private office, which meant I went from sitting on trainer's row surrounded by my peers and being in classrooms surrounded by my students and my trainees, to working eight hours a day in an office all by myself while my boss saved my job.
Speaker A:And I will forever be grateful for the fact I did not lose my job.
Speaker A:I refer to it as My year in hell, because I came home every day from work drained to the last drop.
Speaker A:I had no energy because I was isolated for eight, nine hours a day.
Speaker A:My office was behind a locked door that was limited access and very few people even walked down the hallway.
Speaker A:So I was in complete isolation.
Speaker A:And technically I was able to do the job.
Speaker A:But it was the most miserable year of my life, work wise.
Speaker A:And it was funny.
Speaker A:I went in for my one year evaluation under my HR boss and she goes, I have an eval here for you.
Speaker A:But it's moot because a position in training has opened up and we're transferring you back to training.
Speaker A:They recognized that my talents were not being utilized to their max in that position and they were able to move me.
Speaker A:And I was ever, ever so grateful.
Speaker A:All right, let's take a break.
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Speaker A:There is already so much there to check out.
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Speaker A:And now back to the show.
Speaker A:So that job really just, it just didn't fit, right.
Speaker A:It left me drained at the end of every single day.
Speaker A:So we need to pay attention to the environments that we're in.
Speaker A:Which environments let you breathe easier?
Speaker A:Which environments create tension inside your body?
Speaker A:Whether it's the butterflies, whether it is the inability to drop or relax your shoulders, if you feel it in your neck or in your jaw, the different places that we experience our tension.
Speaker A:All right, who do you feel energized around?
Speaker A:You may find that certain people and you want to pay attention.
Speaker A:How many people?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:How many people and how do the different size groups make you feel?
Speaker A:Because sometimes how you react in a larger group is going to vary to how you react in a one on one or a small group setting.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:An extrovert is going to really appreciate the energy, the synergy, the exchange of ideas and energies in the larger group settings with more people.
Speaker A:And our introverts are of course going to more prefer the individual one on one or the small group settings.
Speaker A:But it can vary based on who.
Speaker A:Who's in the group.
Speaker A:There can be a large group setting that is a negative influence, that as an extrovert, that particular group does not energize you and you got to pay attention to those types of things.
Speaker A:And if you may be an introvert who loves a one on one, but a particular individual does not have that replenishing energy, then there's somebody who tends to drain or take energy.
Speaker A:So you want to pay attention to those and know that just because you're an introvert or you're an extrovert, you're not fixed in that interpretation of energy or in that processing of energy.
Speaker A:It can change, it can fluctuate.
Speaker A:So let's take some practical looks at what can we do to start understanding our energy needs better.
Speaker A:So you can do what's known as energy journaling.
Speaker A:Not talking a lot of hoo ha here.
Speaker A:This does not have to be prose about where you get your energy.
Speaker A:It doesn't have to be paragraphs.
Speaker A:I mean, if you enjoy writing paragraphs, then by all means describe the situation and how it makes you feel and all the fluid and flowery detail that you feel comfortable with.
Speaker A:But don't think that that is the only thing that journaling is.
Speaker A:Journaling could be a spreadsheet where you track the place, the people, and how you felt.
Speaker A:Bullet point style.
Speaker A:It doesn't have to be in prose, it can be as data points.
Speaker A:Because what you're trying to accomplish with this journaling is to recognize the patterns of where and how your energy is replenished.
Speaker A:And here's the great thing.
Speaker A:Once you have a firm understanding of who you are, you don't have to maintain the journaling unless it's benefiting you in other ways.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Because we're looking for an answer to question, what charges my battery and what depletes it?
Speaker A:I'm also going to encourage you to work on your body awareness.
Speaker A:Notice when you are tense and when you are at ease, when you're relaxed, what space are you in?
Speaker A:Who is with you?
Speaker A:What are you doing?
Speaker A:Again, if writing it down helps you, then do so.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:But you don't even have to write it down.
Speaker A:Just pay attention to it.
Speaker A:Make a note, a mental note for yourself, and see if you can pick up on the patterns.
Speaker A:I mean, if you dread group meetings, but you get excited when you get assigned a solo project, that's data.
Speaker A:That's telling you something about yourself.
Speaker A:If your anxiety drops when you're around a lively group of friends, that's data too.
Speaker A:It's telling you what you need to fill your energy cup so you can try what's known as a reset experience, where ask yourself, after this activity, do I feel charged or do I feel emptied?
Speaker A:And you can just check in with yourself periodically as you're in different environments, as you're trying to understand yourself.
Speaker A:It doesn't have to be complicated, it just takes being aware of yourself, how you're feeling in the moment.
Speaker A:And here's a beautiful thing, when you start tracking this, you're going to find yourself much more pretty present in your life because you're registering where you are and how you feel in the moment.
Speaker A:And that feeling, right, that sense of presence, that's going to enable you to understand what boundaries you need to set for yourself and what expectations you should have of yourself in different settings.
Speaker A:For instance, if you know you've got a big group meeting coming up, there's no way getting out of it.
Speaker A:You can't zoom into it, you have to be present and you're going to have to speak and you know that you're an introvert, then you know, try to have a quiet night the night before and make sure you don't have anything overly stimulating booked for the next day.
Speaker A:Heck, if you know far enough in advance, plan the day after off so that you can stay home.
Speaker A:Use one of those PTO days for a mental health day to recuperate from the big emotional.
Speaker A:Spend the day before, right?
Speaker A:And if you know that you have to go nose to the grindstone on a solo project and you are a big old extrovert, then know that at the end of your workday you need to reward yourself with a group exercise class or stopping off and having a beverage or food with friends.
Speaker A:Know what your need is and plan accordingly.
Speaker A:When you start tuning in to how your body responds to different situations, you can start making informed choices that allow you to balance your needs in this social world.
Speaker A:Build recovery time into your schedule.
Speaker A:Know your needs ahead of time.
Speaker A:Communicate your boundaries.
Speaker A:Do it gently.
Speaker A:You know, you don't have to be rude or stomp your feet about it.
Speaker A:Or you can simply say, you know, I have a super busy week and I have some high energy demand projects ahead of me, so I'm.
Speaker A:I've got a recovery day planned and unfortunately I am not available.
Speaker A:I'm off grid that day.
Speaker A:You can do this by setting the expectation.
Speaker A:You know, you've had a long week with lots of meetings during the week and nothing speaks to your introverted soul more than wanting to just burrow into your nest at home over the weekend.
Speaker A:But your bestie is having a life event and you have to show up.
Speaker A:The social expectations are there, so set the boundary early.
Speaker A:I am so excited to be there for you.
Speaker A:I won't be able to stay super late though.
Speaker A:I'm going to have to dip out early, right?
Speaker A:Usually if you tell folks up front what your needs are they're more than happy to meet them.
Speaker A:It's when we just vanish or disappear or recuse ourselves from a situation without explanation that people get hurt feelings.
Speaker A:Whereas if we can say, hey, I'm going to make sure I can be there, I'm just, I'm going to have to dip early.
Speaker A:I can tell you as an extrovert, that's never why I need to leave early.
Speaker A:But there are times I have to leave early and that's generally because I double booked myself on the same day with two people that I really love and I don't want to disappoint either one of them.
Speaker A:So I let each of them know I can be here from this time to this time.
Speaker A:But then I got to go because I have another commitment and listen.
Speaker A:Oh, story of my life.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:That's also setting boundaries though, letting you know I can be there.
Speaker A:But this is the window that I'm available to be there for you.
Speaker A:Because of who I am.
Speaker A:I over commit myself on a regular basis.
Speaker A:And what's beautiful is my family understands this about me.
Speaker A:And when I tell them I can't stay long, they understand that I keep my calendar full.
Speaker A:And that means that when I come over, I come over with a lot of energy.
Speaker A:But I'm probably not going to stay to the very end of the party.
Speaker A:Not because I'm not having fun at your party, but because there's another party I have to go to now.
Speaker A:So love you, got to run by.
Speaker A:But it's about recognizing yourself.
Speaker A:Recognizing your impact on yourself and on others and recognizing their impact on you and being planful and how you navigate those things.
Speaker A:And when I understand what fills my tank, I understand when I'll have energy and when I need to reserve, when I need to budget my time and my energy.
Speaker A:Extroverts have to make sure that they're paying attention to when they're overstimulated because they're getting a dopamine hit.
Speaker A:In these environments it can get real easy to get a little dopamine drunk and get the yes, let's becomes so easy that we forget that every once in a while we need to say no.
Speaker A:That every once in a while we need to take a break also and rest.
Speaker A:And that no matter how extroverted you are, you also require some quiet time and some downtime.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Some time with low input and no stimulation where you have quiet and you have time to be reflective, maybe even, dare I say, bored for a minute or two.
Speaker A:Get me started on that topic.
Speaker A:Boredom.
Speaker A:We lose so much creativity when we don't allow ourselves to become bored.
Speaker A:But that is a conversation for another day.
Speaker A:Let's stay focused right now.
Speaker A:So for those of you who identify in the middle of this spectrum, my ambiverts, make sure you're granting yourself the grace to be flexible and to shift your needs daily so that when you need to be around people, you grant yourself the grace to reach out and engage and participate and be a joiner and be a part of the club or the group or the activity.
Speaker A:But also recognize that that may shift and you may need a quiet day and it's okay to cancel, it's okay to say no and it's okay to claim your quiet time.
Speaker A:That's part of self care and being truly having wellness in our body, mind, spirit, body.
Speaker A:We need to have that downtime.
Speaker A:As we've talked, I think I've addressed a lot of the myths and the misconceptions that live around introvert, extrovert, right?
Speaker A:It's not about personality.
Speaker A:Introverts aren't always shy and extroverts aren't always loud.
Speaker A:You can have a very outgoing but quiet person.
Speaker A:They exist in the world.
Speaker A:You can have an introvert who presents like an extrovert until they're behind closed doors and then the facade drops and they're spent and they need that quiet time to recharge.
Speaker A:There are a lot of introverts who have learned that extroverts get recognized in workplace settings and get rewarded in group settings.
Speaker A:So they learn to present as an extrovert even though their battery isn't being charged the way true extrovert's battery is charged.
Speaker A:So just because you present away in public doesn't mean that that's what's filling your battery.
Speaker A:That's why we have to pay attention to our body.
Speaker A:That's why we have to pay attention to how we feel after an event or an activity.
Speaker A:Some of us have been wearing a mask so long, we don't recognize ourselves anymore and we have to take inventory of ourselves.
Speaker A:One of the big myths, introverts don't like people.
Speaker A:They're stuck up, they're loners.
Speaker A:Not true.
Speaker A:In reality, they often enjoy people very deeply, just not all of the people all at once.
Speaker A:They want their people in small chunks, small groups, one on one settings.
Speaker A:It feels more meaningful and far less draining myth that extroverts aren't deep and can't sustain a deep and meaningful relationship.
Speaker A:And that I can assure you from personal lived experience, is not true.
Speaker A:I have very, very Deep, meaningful relationships with people in very different aspects of my life, professionally and personally, I'm still a big old extrovert.
Speaker A:Extroverts just have a tendency to process both their experiences and their feelings out loud for everybody to hear it, which can seem like a lot sometimes.
Speaker A:Your type is not fixed just because the first time you took a personality test a few years back, because of a work thing or another thing, or this, or you did a test on the Internet and it said you're one thing, it may not be that forever.
Speaker A:Your personality can shift depending on your job.
Speaker A:You may present one way at home and be a completely different personality in the workplace.
Speaker A:Trauma.
Speaker A:If you have experienced trauma at any point in your life, it can alter how you process the world and what charges your battery.
Speaker A:Healing.
Speaker A:If you do the work and you address your traumas and you explore the cobwebs hidden within it, can change how you process the world.
Speaker A:Right age or season of life, if you will.
Speaker A:Now, this is an fascinating concept.
Speaker A:I was watching a reel.
Speaker A:I wish I remember who the author was so I could link it and reference it below.
Speaker A:But they were talking about how our brains change as they age, particularly women who are often socialized to be social peacekeepers, to be amenable and kind and agreeable and quiet, and to not speak up and not to argue too loudly.
Speaker A:And all of those stereotypes that are associated with femininity, right?
Speaker A:Well, despite all of that cultural conditioning, or maybe even because of it, as we age, our dopamine reward pathways recalibrate people pleasing, which is reinforced by the dopamine hits that our brain give us when we manage to smooth over a disagreement or keep the peace or keep everyone happy.
Speaker A:Well, those.
Speaker A:Those approvals, they equal a reward to our neurosystem, right?
Speaker A:In midlife, dopamine receptors become less responsive to social rewards.
Speaker A:External validation produces less motivational pull.
Speaker A:Internal coherence becomes more rewarding than that outward approval.
Speaker A:So it actually becomes more rewarding to make peace with.
Speaker A:With yourself, to spend time in contemplation, to be proud of what you have created or put forth in the world, or the connections and the relationships you've built in your life, that you have built the systems within to be internally validated, rather than requiring those external validations.
Speaker A:This is why praise starts to feel flat.
Speaker A:At a certain point, it's not just that you've heard it before, but your brain literally stops paying you the reward for earning the praise.
Speaker A:Take a minute and think about that one.
Speaker A:Our brains, as we age, and I'm at The recording.
Speaker A:I'm not 52 yet, but by the time you're watching this, I will be several weeks into my 52nd year and let me tell you, my give a hex have gone.
Speaker A:They have depleted the things that used to really fire me up.
Speaker A:Just they're not worth the energy anymore and my need to have every person in the room approve of me has really, really diminished.
Speaker A:If you're not happy with who I am, well that sounds like you problem because I like me at this We've gotten to reflect on ourselves and understand where our energy comes from.
Speaker A:So what are some practical tips that we can take from all of this to help this knowledge improve how we approach our life?
Speaker A:Right on how we prioritize.
Speaker A:So some things that we can do for Introverts Create quiet corners in your home or in your office.
Speaker A:A space where you can go that shuts out the noise that drains you.
Speaker A:And that can be a nook, a corner, whether it's your back porch, your front porch, or a cubby that you can stuff full of blankets, pillows and a nightlight and just tuck yourself into, right?
Speaker A:Whatever meets that need for you in your office space.
Speaker A:If you have an office with a door that closes, that's great.
Speaker A:But I know a lot of us do not work in a place where we have a door that we can shut to give us that solitude.
Speaker A:So instead you need to find the space where you can have that moment, whether it's going for a walk around the building, if there is a conference room that is not often used that you can just go sit in briefly.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:There are spaces that we can find.
Speaker A:And hey, if all else fails, the bathroom is a very private space.
Speaker A:Hopefully use noise canceling headphones to manage stimulation.
Speaker A:Sometimes you just need to block the outside world out for a few minutes.
Speaker A:I don't recommend noise canceling headphones if you're walking out in public just because you know traffic and situational awareness.
Speaker A:But if you're in a safe space, block out the world.
Speaker A:All right, plan buffer times between events.
Speaker A:If you know that you get drained in large groups, then don't have multiple events back to back to back.
Speaker A:Make sure you got a day off to recharge.
Speaker A:Know that sometimes no is an okay answer if that's going to help.
Speaker A:Keep your battery where it needs to be.
Speaker A:You don't have to engage in every social expectation and give yourself permission to leave early.
Speaker A:Sometimes just showing up is enough.
Speaker A:You show up, you give your support, leave your gift, make your donation, compliment the host or hostess, and then zip.
Speaker A:Peace out.
Speaker A:It is perfectly okay to say, oh, thank you so much for inviting me.
Speaker A:I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of this, but I do have to go.
Speaker A:I have to get up early, I have to go walk my dog, I need to go wash my hair.
Speaker A:Whatever the thing may be, it's okay.
Speaker A:Give your excuse and make your exit for my Extroverts Set Connection goals.
Speaker A:Make sure that you are reaching out to two to three people a week, a month, whatever your schedule dictates that allows you to have those deeper connections.
Speaker A:Make sure you're cultivating the more profound relationships in your life, the more impactful relationships.
Speaker A:Make sure that you're giving those the time and attention that they deserve and you're not getting too much of a social butterfly where it's just a sip from each flower.
Speaker A:Instead of getting to know one relationship a little bit deeper, it's about making sure you're maintaining those connections.
Speaker A:Join communities, Classes, Clubs.
Speaker A:Find people with like minded desire for activities.
Speaker A:You know.
Speaker A:If you love to ride your bicycle, then find a cycling club that you can gather with.
Speaker A:If you love to nature walk, well, find a group of like minded individuals who like to go out and enjoy a good nature walk.
Speaker A:If you like, you know, crafting, then find a group you can plug in and share ideas and the results of your crafting projects with.
Speaker A:For every interest that exists under the sun, there is a group out there.
Speaker A:You just need to put forth a little effort and find them and plug into the groups that feed your need to socialize.
Speaker A:Build a mix of noisy and quiet Recharge Time Remember that no matter how extroverted you are, you still need to allot for quiet windows in your day.
Speaker A:Whether it's the quiet time when you first wake up or your wind down time at the end of the day, or if you need to just step away and go sit in your car for 15 minutes of your lunch break to kind of dispel some of the charge that you've built up through your workday.
Speaker A:And use mindfulness to avoid burnout from constant stimulation.
Speaker A:Pay attention to where you're at because an overcharged battery explodes and that's not fun for anyone.
Speaker A:You don't want to become the overcharged battery that becomes volatile and dangerous to have around.
Speaker A:Take it from someone who has over extroverted.
Speaker A:It's not fun, it's not cute, and if you're paying attention to yourself, you'll learn to recognize when you need to kind of disconnect briefly to reset yourself.
Speaker A:And a universal tip, something that no matter where you land on the spectrum.
Speaker A:Honor your energy, not the pressure to perform.
Speaker A:Pay attention to where you're at and respond and commit accordingly.
Speaker A:I know for myself that making this realization, it helped me understand myself in such a profound way.
Speaker A:So rather than being critical of myself on why I had such a hard time focusing on individual tasks, if I'm stuck doing something all by myself, my ability to stay energized and motivated and committed to that task is it's embarrassing in a professional sense.
Speaker A:It can be downright humiliating.
Speaker A:But I've also learned about myself is that I don't even have to engage with another person to benefit from their energy.
Speaker A:If they are simply present doing their own thing, that is enough of a charge to keep me motivated on the task I'm working on.
Speaker A:Whereas if I am all alone, I sometimes can't even muster the energy to get started.
Speaker A:Understanding what charges our battery and what depletes our battery helps us regain control of how we allocate our energy and it gives us it puts us at the control panel of our own life.
Speaker A:Instead of reacting to our environment and reacting to the people around them, we can be planful because we know what we need to be successful, to feel good, to be motivated and energized.
Speaker A:And guys, when we master that, when we learn how to really manage our own personal control panel, it can be paradigm shifting and life redefining.
Speaker A:So start your journal.
Speaker A:Whether you're writing prose or you're giving yourself bullet points, figure out what fuels you and then watch how that knowledge revolutionizes your life.
Speaker A:I want to thank everybody for joining me in this conversation today.
Speaker A:This is one that I love deeply because of the incredibly profound impact it's had on my life and my relationship with the people who matter most to me.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for stopping by today.
Speaker A:Don't forget to hit subscribe to get all the latest episodes and find me on social media at Angela's Living Room on all platforms.
Speaker A:Have a fantastic day.
